


I Guess We’re Scared

by TheManOfManyFandoms



Series: Family Is More Than Blood [5]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Ableism, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Panic Attacks, Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, Toph doesn’t really know how to deal with that, Toph gets a hug too, Toph’s parents are awful, Unreliable Narrator, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko Gets a Hug, Zuko has abandonment issues, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, me? - Freeform, nah..., nope it’s definitely child abuse, projecting my issues onto fictional characters?, someone give him a hug please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheManOfManyFandoms/pseuds/TheManOfManyFandoms
Summary: Toph tries to repair her relationship with her parents and Zuko struggles to believe that he’s worth caring about.(Title comes from ‘all the kids are depressed’ by Jeremy Zucker)
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Iroh, Toph Beifong & Team Avatar, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Series: Family Is More Than Blood [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789564
Comments: 490
Kudos: 2051





	1. Parting

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place after ‘Burning Scream’. Enjoy!

Toph is leaving. Zuko can’t say he’s too surprised, but he had started to believe her when she had promised to never abandon him. Oh, she says she’s not leaving permanently and Zuko really does want to believe her, but nobody ever comes back to Zuko. The only person who hasn’t ever left him is Uncle. _Even when you would have deserved it_ , a nasty little voice tells him.

After Toph leaves, he knows that she’ll either dissapear from his life forever or, if she returns, she’ll finally realize how worthless he is, and then everything will change. Where she smiles fondly at him now, she’ll scowl and glower. Instead of punching his arm gently, her punches will aim to hurt. He can’t decide which outcome would hurt worse.

As he helps Toph pack her bags, he soaks up every affectionate word and touch, as pathetic as he knows it is. He doesn’t want to forget what it’s like to be loved again. He knows that she can tell that his nerves are on edge because she infuses kindness into her words in a way she usually doesn’t. He tries to relax but he can’t.

When Toph tries to reassure him that she’s not going to be gone for long, he remembers his mother, promising that she loves him and will always be with him. Not even a month later she had woken him up in the middle of the night, kissing his forehead one last time before flipping her hood up and leaving him. _Forever_.

When Toph gives him a hasty goodbye hug and awkwardly mutters, “Love you, you stupid nerd,” he recalls a two year old Azula babbling that she, “Love, Zuzu!” Her chubby smiles and loving eyes had faded quickly, until she was nothing but a shadow of what she could have been. When she had caught Zuko anxious or crying, her hands had stopped trying to soothe, in their clumsy, childish way, and instead had burned. Her happy, innocent grins had slid into more sinister smirks that sometimes made the breath catch in his throat and his hair stand on end. Azula had left him too. Her thirst for more power and her mad desire to please their father at any cost had taken her from him, in the end.

When Toph jokingly tells him to try to stay badass even without her around, he remembers Lu-Ten. The kind cousin who had encouraged his training with the sword when Ozai had condemned him for it. The cousin who had promised to be home in time for Zuko’s birthday in his last letter. The cousin who never came home again.

He tries to tell himself that not everybody has left him but then he remembers a little Earth Kindom boy named Li. The boy who had hero-worshipped Zuko upon meeting him. The boy who’s life he had saved at risk of his own. The boy who had told him that he hated him. They were words meant to sting. They did. Zuko has never seen Li since.

And, even more recently, Mai. The girl who had watched him leave the Boiling Rock with fierce, determined, loving eyes. The girl who had saved his life. The girl who he had tried to kiss after the war. The girl who pushed him away oh, so gently; awkwardly telling him that she and Ty Lee had gotten together in prison. He’s happy for them, he really is. But some quiet, selfish part of him just sees Mai as another person who abandoned him because he just wasn’t _good enough_.

Zuko accompanies Toph out of the palace and down to where Appa and the others are waiting. When Toph finally faces him to say goodbye, he feels tears come unbidden to his eyes. Toph quickly wraps him in a hug and whispers, “I’ll be back before you know it, Sunshine. Try not to do anything too exciting without me.”

Zuko chuckles wetly and squeezes her a bit tighter before releasing her. His other friends hug him, one by one, and he can’t help but feel as if there is some sort of finality in this. They’re all supposed to be back in two weeks, but right now two weeks seems like a very, very long time. They’re going to be dropping Toph off at her parents’ house before Suki visits the Kyoshi Warriors, where Mai and Ty Lee now are. After that, Katara, Sokka, and Aang are going to check on the Southern Water Tribe’s reparations and visit their father and grandmother.

Zuko waves as they take off and tries to put on a brave face. As soon as they’re out of sight, however, Zuko drops his hand to his face and discreetly wipes his eyes. Uncle Iroh puts an arm around him and Zuko tenses for a moment, his first instinct to throw him off, but he relaxes and allows Uncle to squeeze him in a side hug. “I’m going to get some work done, Uncle,” Zuko says in a soft voice.

“I’m right here if you need me, nephew,” Uncle tells him in that wise, all-knowing way of his. Zuko wonders if he’s that obvious, or if Uncle is just really good at reading him. Probably a bit of both, he decides.

“I know. Thank you, Uncle,” he responds, his voice still very soft. He ducks out from under Iroh’s arm and gives him a shaky smile before turning and making his way back into the palace. When the huge doors clang shut behind him, he feels horribly, stifling _alone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up pretty Zuko-centric and shorter than I wanted but the next chapter will be longer and full of Toph! I hope you enjoyed! (I survive off of Kudos and Comments so feel free to leave some!)


	2. Different Isn't Lesser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph tries to reconnect with her parents and tries to forget that she now knows how a real family is supposed to act

Toph tries to relax as they head to Gaoling, closing her eyes and propping her head up on the side of Appa’s saddle. This endeavor quickly proves fruitless as she remembers Zuko’s pounding heart, sounding almost as scared as it had in those first days at the Western Air Temple, and the hitches in his breathing as they hugged goodbye.

And, yes, those are the only things bothering her. She’s definitely not thinking about how nervous she is to see her parents again. She’s definitely not thinking about how scared she is that her parents will make it impossible for her to sneak out at night to find some solace when they get to be too much. She’s definitely not-

She sits up with a huff and cracks her knuckles in a nervous habit. “Hey, you doing okay?” That’s Sokka and he sounds genuinely concerned but something about it rubs her the wrong way.

“I’m fine, Sokka,” Toph snaps and tries to ignore the slightly hurt sound he makes.

“It’s okay to be nervous, Toph,” Katara says in that motherly tone she so often uses.

“I’m not nervous,” she hisses through gritted teeth.

“You seem pretty worried,” Suki interjects, concern laced into her usual, cool voice.

“Well, I’m not!” The earthbender argues.

“Toph...” Katara begins in a slightly disappointed tone.

“Leave me alone!” Toph shouts, folding her arms over her chest and turning away from them so they can’t see the slight quiver of her lip. She fights a losing battle against tears and it takes everything in her not to outright sob when she feels three pairs of arms embrace her. “I’m not nervous,” she repeats, trying to convince herself as much as the others.

“Okay,” Sokka says calmly and Toph wants to scream because she doesn’t _understand_ how they can all be so effortlessly understanding. How did this rag-tag group of teenagers grow to care for someone as prickly and unkind as her?

She allows them to hug her for a moment longer before pulling away. “Hey, no fair!” She hears Aang shout from where he’s steering Appa, “I want to be part of the group hug!”

“Sorry, Double A. It’s not our fault that you’re the one who volunteered to fly this fluffy monster,” Toph shrugs, smirking. 

“Double A?” Sokka asks, “What the hell does that mean?”

Toph hopes that she’s looking directly at him as she levels her most unimpressed stare at his general location, “ _A_ vatar _A_ ang?” She prompts, emphasizing the _A_ on both words. 

“I think it’s too vague,” Sokka says in his mock-lofty voice he always puts on at the beginning of their arguments.

“Perhaps my brain simply works on a higher level than yours, peasant,” Toph says in her “nobility” voice.

Katara chokes on a laugh and Toph hears Suki thumping her on the back even as the Kyoshi Warrior laughs along with her. Sokka splutters for a moment before saying, “W-well, I will have you know that I’m considered very intelligent.”

“Remind me which was the shining moment in your intelligence? The time you got two fish hooks stuck in your finger or the time you named a crazy assassin ‘Sparky Sparky Boom Man?’” Katara asks dryly.

Finally, Suki takes pity on him and says, “You’re an excellent strategist, Sokka.”

Sokka splutters for an entirely different reason this time and Toph sticks her tongue out, “Eww, romance.”

“You wish you had a girlfriend as great as mine,” Sokka shoots back jokingly. Toph freezes for a moment and fights against the heat she can feel rushing into her face. “Oh my Spirits, do you have a crush on Suki?”

“No! I mean, yes? Not anymore, though, I swear!” Toph stammers over her words in a very uncharacteristic way and hates herself for it just a little.

“Wait a minute, that time you kissed me and claimed that you thought I was Sokka- did you actually know who I was?” Suki asks, voice midway between incredulous and gleeful.

Toph face plants onto the saddle, mumbling, “Spirits, kill me.”

They spend the next few hours arguing and, even though Toph is pretty sure she’s never been so embarrassed, she has to appreciate how well her friends were distracting her from her nerves.

—————

They arrive at Gaoling the next afternoon and Toph feels her fear come back like a slap in the face. As she slips off of Appa’s back, bag slung over her back, she relishes the feeling of earth between her toes, though much less obnoxiously than she usually would have done. All four of the others hug her tightly and she sinks into their hold in a way she usually doesn’t. “Are you going to be okay on your own?” Katara asks.

“I’ll be fine,” Toph says, pleased to hear her voice come out steady.

“We’ll be back soon,” Aang promises and Toph already misses them. She wonders what it says about her, that she misses her friends before they’d even left more than she’s missed her parents in six months. A quiet part of her wonders what that says about her parents.

She feels Appa’s giant feet disconnect from the earth and, as she turns away, she feels a tear slip down her cheek.

—————

Her parents seem ecstatic to see her but Toph doesn’t miss the way her mother shudders as she takes in the dirt-stained, travel-worn ~~daughter~~ clothes. She doesn’t miss the way her father hugs her with as little contact as possible. But that’s okay, Katara doesn’t like mud either. _Katara_ _just hugged you without a problem_ , a tiny voice in the back of her head points out. 

“Why don’t we have a servant clean you up?” Her mother suggests.

“I can take care of myself,” Toph snaps defensively.

”Of course you can,” she says in that awful, pitying way that makes Toph want to growl. Like that time Sokka had had a one-sided growl-off with Appa. The memory cheers her up a little and she manages to nod once.

She takes a bath and immediately misses the feeling of her element constantly surrounding her. A servant offers her a dress that makes her shudder and draw her hand back hastily when she reaches out to feel the material. It’s silk. Like all of the dresses from her childhood. “I’ll wear my normal outfit,” she says firmly. She’s allowed it that first day.

—————

The servant hands her the same dress on the second morning. ”Um, your mother is washing your traveling clothes, Miss Beifong. She requested that you wear this for the moment,” the servant says nervously.

Toph grits her teeth and snatches the dress back. “Fine,” she grinds out. She puts the dress on and the too-smooth, too-soft texture grates on her already frayed nerves.

”Oh, you look lovely!” Her mother exclaims when she sees her and Toph tries to smile and thank her. Somehow, even though her mom’s heartbeat is steady, neither party feels very genuine.

”If only you could see how much nicer you look like this,” her dad says, his voice sad.

Toph tenses, feeling her muscles bunch. “I like my other clothes because they’re nice and dirty. I wouldn’t care how I looked even if I had eyes that worked,” she spits.

”Young lady! You are a noble woman, not a peasant boy,” Her mom exclaims, sounding shocked.

”Maybe I’d rather be a goddamn peasant,” Toph growls defiantly, lifting her chin.

”TOPH BEIFONG,” her mother shouts and oh, _oh._ She had forgotten how terrifying that is. Against her own will, she flinches just a little and her mother sweeps her into a hug immediately, ”I’m sorry, baby girl,” she says, her voice as soft and kind as it had just been hard and angry.

Toph wants to shove her off but she remembers how unkindly her parents used to react to her when she had done so _before_ and suddenly she doesn’t want to have to listen to them shouting again. So she allows it. She allows it, stiff and tense, and allows her mother to smooth her dress as she pulls away.

”I only shouted because you startled me, sweetheart. If you don’t want me to shout then maybe you shouldn’t say such shocking things,” her mother says, the words sounding so, so _reasonable_ when she puts it like that. _It doesn’t sound reasonable at all,_ that little voice informs her dryly.

Toph ignores it. She crosses her arms sullenly and mutters, “Yes, mother.”

—————

There are some good things that she hadn’t had before. For one thing, her parents will sit in the grounds with her and watch her earthbend statues of anyone she can think of. She makes a particularly unflattering one of Xin-Fu that makes her snicker. Her parents make disapproving noises that make the amusement die in her chest. She pushes the statue back into the dirt angrily and puts a new, beautiful statue of her mother in it’s place.

She tries to hold on to the impressed, pleased words that come out of her parents at that and keeps them for the moments when they are far less happy with her. 

About four days after she had arrived, she makes five small statues out of earth, one of each of her friends, and keeps them in her bedroom to keep her company on long, lonely nights when she rolls around restlessly and her few hours of sleep are interrupted with nightmares and unsettling dreams.

One morning, only a few days before the others are supposed to come for her, she wakes from a nightmare and reaches desperately for the statue of Zuko... to find it gone. She feels around with her earthbending and, for good measure, her hands. They are all gone. 

Later, at breakfast, which is so, horribly stiff and formal in comparison with all of the relaxed meals she's had with her friends, she takes a deep breath before quietly asking, “What did you do with those little statues I made?”

“Oh, those dirty things?” Her dad asks dismissively, “We threw them out. You didn’t need them cluttering up your room.”

Toph clenches her fists so hard she feels her nails digging into her palms. She doesn’t care that she can easily make more. Her parents had decided that she didn’t need those statues. Her parents had decided that she didn’t need her only means of comfort. Her parents had decided that she didn’t need her friends. “They weren’t cluttering up my room,” she grits out, “I liked them.”

“Why do you never let us take care of you?” Her mother demands.

“Because you’re not trying to take care of me,” Toph explodes, standing up, her fists still clenched. “You’re trying to take care of the little, helpless blind girl that the two of you somehow fabricated in my place!

“Toph, your mother and I are doing the best we can. Please, don’t blame us because the spirits gave us a blind girl to care for instead of a regular child! We’re just doing our duty,” her father says, so, painfully sincere.

Toph jerks back as if she had been punched, “Is that what I am to you? Your duty? Do you think I’m lesser because I can’t see?”

There’s a pause. Just long enough for Toph to feel her parents’ heartbeats quicken. “I’m done with this!” She roars, marching back to her room. She refuses to leave her room all day and, when she cries herself to sleep that night, she misses her friends more sharply than ever.

\----------

The next few days pass in a horrible, prickly silence and, the day that she's supposed to be picked up by her friends, she packs her bags with fervor. 

"Won't you stay with us a little longer, Toph? Her mother asks, slightly desperately.

Toph scoffs, barely registering the hard sound in her fury. "Fat chance," she mutters.

"Toph, we love you," her father tells her, trying to wrap her in a hug.

"No, you don't. Goodbye," she pulls out of his reach and smiles, relieved, when she hears the familiar rumble of Appa outside. "Fuck you very much for the horrible stay," she says with a vicious smile as she marches out of the house.

Her friends greet her with happy laughter and tight hugs that she returns with barely-there smiles and tense shoulders. They all ask her if she's okay but she just bristles and glowers, so they drop the subject.

She doesn't try to rest on her way home from Gaoling. She sits up straight in the saddle and lets her friends' voices wash over her. She feels a wave of relief at being back with them. She still feels tense and angry. If they notice, they don't say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um, angst anyone? Lmao. I really enjoyed writing this one and I hope you all enjoy it too!


	3. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph returns to the Fire Nation, but she is much more angry and closed off than she had been before.

Toph is finally coming home. Zuko knows he should be happy, and he is, but, as ashamed as he is to admit it, the primary emotion that he's feeling right now is fear.

Over the past two weeks he's become increasingly quiet and tense. It's strange, being without his friends for so long. As foolish as it sounds, he can't help but miss them when he has a nightmare or a particularly bad meeting.

He's come to rely on their steady, solid presence and it's sudden absence is jarring, to say the least. _Weakling_ , a voice, that sounds like his father's, jeers. He's better at ignoring that cruel voice whenever he can manage to be with Uncle Iroh.

Iroh is with him now, while they wait for Appa's huge form to appear in the sky. (Zuko had ordered the guards to stay away for now, citing the Dragon of the West as ample protection when they had protested.) Zuko very carefully shifts his weight on the stone bench they're sitting on, until his shoulder just barely brushes Iroh's. Uncle doesn't look at him, but he does press their shoulders together a little more firmly.

Zuko releases a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and squeezes his eyes shut before speaking very quietly, "Uncle? What if they don't want me anymore?" His voice cracks a little and he's relieved that there's nobody else around.

"Of course they'll still want you, nephew," Iroh says fervently, "They all love you very much."

Zuko looks down, twisting his fingers in his robe. "Okay," he says softly, wanting to believe Iroh but not wanting to be overly hurt if his uncle wound up being wrong. _It’ll crush you, regardless of what you believe_ , a voice whispers. This one sounds like Azula. He hates it.

Despite his fear, he can’t help but let a joyful smile light up his face when he sees the Sky Bison coming into view. When they land, they all slide off, waving and grinning. “Zuko!” Aang leaps forcefully into his arms, nearly knocking him over. 

Zuko laughs, relieved and happy, and squeezes the Avatar tightly. “Hey, Aang,” he says quietly, mortified when he feels tears spring into his eyes. The others all give him tight hugs, chattering about everything and nothing, but, when he finally steps back, he realizes that there’s one person who hasn’t said a word.

Toph is standing slightly apart from the others, arms folded in front of her chest, a firm scowl replacing her usual smirk. “Toph?” He asks cautiously. 

“I’m going to get some rest,” she says abruptly, whirling around and marching into the palace.

Zuko feels as if he had been punched in the stomach. “Is- is she alright?” He stammers.

They all exchange looks and Zuko feels fear clog his throat. He had been right. She does hate him now. “She’s been like that ever since we picked her up,” Katara says in a worried tone. “I’m... I’m not sure why she walked away like that,” She eyes Zuko in that soft, sad way she does sometimes, as if she can see right through him. It makes him uncomfortable, so he drops his gaze.

He jumps, just a little, when he feels a hand on his shoulder, but, when he turns to look, it’s just Uncle. “Her behavior is not because of you, nephew,” he says quietly.

Zuko nods but he doesn’t know if he believes Iroh. “We should probably start getting unpacked!” Suki says briskly. Zuko nods numbly and walks over to Appa to help them get started. He still can’t breath properly.

—————

The next morning, the whole gang eats breakfast together, all relieved to be back in one place. Toph comes and, yes, she speaks, but her jokes are a little too biting, her laughs a little too hysterical, her smiles a little too vicious.

After the rest of the gang has left, Zuko grabs Toph’s arm gently and quietly asks, “Hey, are you alright, Toph? You can always talk to me if you need to.”

Toph yanks her arm out of his grip and snarls, “I’m fine. I don’t need to be taken care of.”

Zuko takes a hasty step back, throwing his hands out in front of him in a gesture of peace that, he realizes belatedly, Toph cannot see. “I’m just trying to help-” He starts softly, trying to bury the ache in his heart.

“Well don’t,” Toph hisses, whirling around with her head held high, in such a good imitation of Azula that Zuko flinches. He notices Toph’s firm posture falter for just a moment, before she stiffens again and stomps out of the room.

He sits back down heavily and buries his head in his hands, sniffling a little. It’s not like he hadn’t seen it coming from the second she had announced her little trip, he reminds himself. It still hurts.

—————

The next time Zuko tries to interact with Toph one-on-one is two days later. He had been sitting near the turtleduck pond, feeding them and petting the ones who come close enough to do so. The pond and the turtleducks within it had always been his refuge. A safe, quiet place that makes him think of his mother’s soft hugs and kind encouragement. His uncle’s tea and confusing jokes. His cousin’s large, gentle hands and playful laughter.

It’s always seemed like a place untouchable by any who might wish him harm. He’s hidden there from Ozai, from Azula, and now, though he hates to admit it, from Toph. His relative peace is shattered, however, when he looks up in time to see Toph slipping into the courtyard. She freezes when she notices his presence and he stares back, like an antelope-deer in lantern light, ignoring the turtleducks’ impatient chirping and nudges at his, now still, hands.

“I-I’ll just leave,” he mumbles, standing up.

“Why?” She asks bluntly and he flinches a little, “It’s your own palace.”

“I-I just thought that, um, maybe because you came in here, I shouldn’t stay?” He curses his own inability to have difficult conversations without rehearsing a million times first.

“Don’t let me fuck up your day by existing,” Toph says sardonically, sitting down firmly. It sounds like a joke she might have made before she had left but there’s too much bitterness in it to be anything near funny.

Zuko sits down warily, glad that she sat down on his good side so he could see her coming if she decided to attack. _Like you’d fight back_. _You_ _know that you would deserve it_ , the voice that sounds like Ozai mocks. Zuko knows with a frightening certainty that that voice is right. He could never bring himself to hurt Toph, and he _is_ enough of a fuck-up that it’s not too far fetched to think that he had done something wrong.

They sit in silence for a tense fifteen minutes, Zuko stroking the turtleducks with shaking hands. This silence doesn’t feel like their old ones. Their old silences were comfortable and safe and filled with an unspoken, gentle understanding. This silence feels confining and restricting and Zuko can’t get enough air into his lungs. Toph stands up in a sharp movement that has him flinching again, just a little. She crosses her arms, huffing as she leaves the courtyard.

The moment he can’t see her anymore, he finally takes a proper breath, even as tears trail down his cheeks. The turtleducks nudge him concernedly and he murmurs gently to them, even as he’s sure his heart is breaking. 

—————

Zuko had already known that Toph has an impressive temper when provoked, but he’s never seen her this angry. She’s blown up at half of the people in the Caldera in the week since she’d returned and had just shouted at a palace guard for offering her assistance navigating a particularly twisted corridor. 

They’re now secluded in his office with orders not to disturb them. “Toph,” Zuko says, his voice softer than he meant it to be, “Please stop yelling at people who haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” she grinds out.

He refrains from reminding her that, technically, now that she had gotten official Fire Nation citizenship, he technically _could_ tell her what to do. Instead he sighs and quietly says, “Can you _please_ at least tell me what I did wrong?”

She looks taken aback for a split second before her cloudy eyes narrow again. “Nothing,” she says through gritted teeth. 

“Well, if I haven’t done anything wrong than why are you so angry with me?” Zuko asks incredulously. “Maybe I can help you, or-or fix whatever I did,” he suggests, a tiny, hopeful smile on his face.

”Stop treating me like I’m fragile!” Toph explodes, taking a few steps closer. “I don’t need help! Not from you or from anybody.”

”I’m just trying to help you,” Zuko says, frustration bleeding through every word. They’re both shouting now and Zuko feels a vague fluttery feeling of panic. Yelling was never a good thing to do when father or Azula were angry. _She’s not either of them_ , he thinks firmly. _But she’s so angry with you,_ the panicky part of him refutes.

”Well, stop trying!” Toph argues back. 

“Why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” He asks, a little desperately.

”I don’t want pity,” she yells back, loud enough to give Zuko a headache.

”Is it that? Or are you just so stubborn, you can’t accept sympathy from friends?” Zuko fires back, well aware of the hypocrisy of his statement.

“I don’t need sympathy,” she roars, flinging her arms out in frustration. There’s a brief moment, where Zuko sees Toph’s hands flying towards him, and then that fearful instinct within him flares. He flinches back so hard he stumbles over his own feet and has to clutch his desk for support.

Toph’s eyes are wide with shock and, what looks like, guilt. Zuko’s not quite sure, his vision’s a little blurry from the panic. She takes half a step towards him but, when his shoulders hunch defensively, she hastily steps backward. Her earlier anger seems to have evaporated as she stands there hesitantly. “I...” she starts. “I- I have to go,” she says in a rush, tripping over her words. Then she runs. She runs and Zuko is left alone, still clutching his desk for support, his breathing labored and his mind still numb with fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... another chapter of angst ya’ll. Hope you all enjoyed, and maybe got as sad as I did while writing the ending lol. Leave kudos and/or a comment if you liked this chapter! :)


	4. Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph, feeling guilty, goes to Iroh for advice after running away from Zuko.

Toph flees from her own mistake. Toph flees from Zuko and she feels like a coward. Hadn’t she once told Katara that she could pull her own weight? Now she had made a mess and she’s not even trying to clean it up herself. What was it that Katara had called her? _Selfish_ , her traitorous brain supplies. 

She _is_ selfish. She knows that without a doubt. She had been so preoccupied with self-pity all week that she hadn’t even registered how scared, no, _terrified_ Zuko had been. She hadn’t heard his heart beat so fast since those first few days at the Western Air Temple.

Looking back on the past week she can feel nothing but regret. She had been so _scared_ that people would see how upset she was, and treat her like some fragile, breakable, _thing,_ that she had acted the only safe way that she knew of. Angry, cold, and unflinchingly tough. With hindsight, she should have realized that treating Zuko so coldly in the very place where he had suffered so much, at the hands of people he loved, was a bad move. 

She barely registers where her feet are taking her as she runs through the halls of the palace. She had promised herself long ago, in the quiet of the Western Air Temple, that she would never give Zuko reason to fear her. She had broken that promise. Zuko had flinched away from her, as if she were going to strike him, his heart pounding like that of a rabbiroo.  
  
As she runs, she feels servants and guards turn to face her and she feels shame choking her, as if they could possibly know how much she had just fucked up. She can breath a little easier once she’s out of the palace, but her feet are still moving and it takes until she has almost arrived before she realizes where they’re taking her. Iroh’s tea shop. She stops dead in her tracks, a wave of fear crashing into her and leaving her gasping for breath.

She had just sent Zuko, Iroh’s nephew, into a panic attack. Iroh’s nephew who he loved more than anybody. He’s always willing to share a cup of tea with her and listen to her ramble but surely, _surely_ , he’ll throw her out the moment she confesses to what had just happened. _Or maybe_ , a quiet voice tells her, _he’ll realize that your parents are right and you need protection. From yourself if not from others.  
_

She shakes her head, stomping a foot angrily. She refuses to be a coward. She’ll tell Iroh what had happened and, if he doesn’t want her around anymore, she’ll leave. She won’t cry. She won’t look weak. And she _certainly_ won’t give him any reason to pity her.

She swings open the door of the tea shop and feels Iroh making tea in the back of the shop. She hesitates for just a moment before walking over to the counter and calling, “Hey, Iroh.” She feels her cheeks heat up when her voice comes out raspier than usual and wobbles a little.

She feels Iroh turn around and she quickly tries to draw herself up to her full height. She won’t be weak. “Ah, Toph. It is good to see you,” he says, “I was just about to go on break. Would you care to join me for a cup of tea back at my house?”

”That would be nice,” she admits quietly. She waits by the door, arms folded over her chest, for him to finish delivering a cup of tea to one of the customers. When he’s done, makes his way over to her and she follows him out of the shop, feeling weighed down with guilt.

When they enter his house, she immediately sits down on one of the couches in the living room, knowing from experience how comfortable it is. “How would you feel about a nice cup of Oolong tea?” Iroh asks. 

Toph shrugs and mutters, “Sure.” She waits, heart thumping nervously, until he returns with a cup of tea for each of them.

He sits down across from her, on the other couch, and she shifts so that both of her feet are planted solidly on the ground. “Is there something on your mind?” Iroh asks calmly.

Toph is silent for a moment before she says bluntly, “I’ve been an asshole ever since I got back from- ever since I got back.”

Iroh chuckles a little and says, “Maybe so, but, perhaps, not without reason, however misguided the reason might be.”

Toph shakes her head, “I had no right to treat everybody like they...” she hesitates for a moment, “Like they’re going to treat me the way my parents do.”

”And how is that?” Iroh asks, his voice wonderfully, refreshingly, free from judgement.

”Like I’m a goddamn doll. Fun to dress up and play with, but fragile and easily breakable. The second I even _try_ to act like my own person, instead of the person they’re trying to make me be, they just try to lock me up and keep me away from everything that makes me happy,” Toph rants, practically panting for breath by the end.

”And what makes you happy?” Iroh asks her calmly.

”Earthbending,” she answers automatically, “a-and I like being messy and sarcastic and I- I love my friends, “she finishes quietly. Guilt threatens to choke her as she thinks of how she had treated Zuko for the last week.

”I have come to believe,” Iroh starts, “that family isn’t necessarily defined by blood. Family are those who love you, _for_ you. You do not choose your blood relatives but you can always choose those who you wish to love.”

Toph feels tears rise to her eyes and blinks them away furiously. “I haven’t treated Zuko very well this week,” she admits softly, “I-I came here because I just fucked up big time. We got into an argument and, er,” she sniffs loudly, clearing her throat, before continuing in a nearly inaudible voice, “I think he thought I was going to hurt him.” She squeezes her eyes shut but feels tears slip out anyway. “I felt how scared he was and I just- I just left. I promised that I wouldn’t leave him, but that’s exactly what I did anyway, isn’t it?”

She knows that she’s rambling but, now that she’s started, she can’t seem to stop, “He felt safe with me, safer than he felt with anyone else in our group, but I just ruined it, didn’t I? He was so _scared_ and I-I understand what it’s like to be afraid of someone you’re supposed to be able to trust. It _sucks_ ,” her voice cracks on the last word and, despite what she had resolved to herself, she breaks down into the gut-wrenching sobs that had been longing to come out ever since her failed visit to her parents. 

After a moment, Toph feels Iroh stand up and frantically tries to wipe her eyes. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t make herself look weak. And then, Iroh does the very last thing she had expected him to do. He hugs her. It’s a tight, soothing hug, full of love and compassion. It’s the type of hug that she’s never, not even _once_ , received from her parents and that thought only serves to make her cry even harder.

She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his shoulder, allowing herself to cry in front of somebody else for the first time in, what feels like, forever. They stay like that for a long time, until her tears begin to dry. She pulls back, scrubbing tears out of her eyes with her hands and sniffing. “S-sorry,” she chokes out.

”It was no trouble at all,” Iroh says, his voice very sad in a way that would usually make Toph bristle. Right now, however, it only makes her feel loved. 

”I think I want to apologize to Zuko now,” she says, her voice a little stronger, but still wobbly.

”I believe that’s a very good idea,” Iroh says, a smile in his voice now, “I will accompany you, I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t go to my nephew when he was in pain.” They wait until Toph no longer feels as if she’ll cry the moment she speaks before walking to the door.

”Wait,” Toph says suddenly. On an impulse, she throws her arms around him and speaks into his chest, “You’re the best uncle ever.”

She feels his heart skip a beat as he returns the hug. “Thank you very much, Toph,” he says, his voice suspiciously choked up.

She pulls back and punches his arm gently. “Just thought you should know that you’re pretty great for an old guy,” she jokes lightly.

Iroh laughs at that, “I appreciate the assessment.”

”You should,” Toph giggles, “I don’t give out compliments very easily.” She hesitates, “Seriously, Uncle, thank you.”

”You have nothing to thank me for,” Iroh says, though his voice is very warm.   
  
Privately, Toph thinks that she has a _lot_ to thank Iroh for, but she refrains from saying this. She had meant what she said, though. Iroh really _is_ pretty awesome for an old guy.


	5. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend finds Zuko trying to calm down after Toph leaves.

Zuko watches Toph leave, his heart pounding madly, his breath sticking in his throat. Sinking down to the floor, his back pressed up against his desk, he buries his head in his hands. His fingers tangle in his hair and tug uncomfortably as he sits and tries to remember how to breath. He lets out a shuddering, quickly stifled sob.

Would Toph have hit him if he hadn’t flinched? Azula was like that sometimes when they were younger. She would get angry and threatening but, the moment he got scared, she would get all guilty and try to comfort him. Zuko shakes his head forcefully, trying to clear his head. The only thing it manages to do, however, is worsen his oncoming stress-induced headache.   
  
After a couple of minutes he hears an angry voice outside the door and flinches away from the noise. “Let me in!” It demands, “Toph came running out of here like fucking Koh was after her and I need to see Zuko.” Zuko feels himself flush red at the reminder of the guards stationed outside of his office. Surely, they had heard him crying. He tries to wipe his eyes but only manages to make room for a new onslaught of tears.  
  
“I’m going in,” the voice says firmly, and this time Zuko’s panicked brain recognizes it. It’s Sokka. _Is he angry too?_ Zuko’s panic-addled mind thinks fearfully, unconsciously trying to make himself smaller. The door opens a crack and Sokka slips in. “Zu- Oh, Zuko,” Sokka sounds so sad and Zuko doesn’t _understand_.

”I’m sorry,” he says in a small voice, “Did-did I upset Toph?” _Idiot,_ the voice that sounds too much like Ozai snaps, _of_ course _you_ _upset Toph. You deserve her anger._ Zuko flinches and Sokka very slowly lowers himself to the floor in front of the firebender. Zuko feels an irrational humiliation at the way Sokka is treating him like some sort of injured animal.

“I’m not quite sure,” The water tribe warrior says carefully, “I just saw her running out of here and I wanted to make sure you were alright. So,” he says after a slightly awkward pause, “are you? Alright, that is.”

Zuko opens his mouth to assure Sokka that he’s just fine but something about the open, honest expression on Sokka’s face makes him hesitate. Hesitantly, he shakes his head slightly and stammers, “N-not really.”

Sokka scoots a little bit closer and reaches a hand out, placing it gently on Zuko’s shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks, and his voice is so unfairly gentle that it nearly makes Zuko start crying all over again.

”I- maybe,” The Fire Lord stammers, “would it bother you? I don’t want to burden you with my stupid problems. I should be over it by now, anyway and-”

“Zuko!” Sokka says, cutting through Zuko’s increasingly self-deprecating ramble.

Zuko snaps his mouth shut so hard his teeth click together. “Sorry,” he mutters.

”Hey, it’s okay,” Sokka says, still in that gentle voice, “it wouldn’t burden me, I promise. And I’m sure your problems aren’t stupid,” he adds firmly.

Zuko takes a breath and mutters, “I just- Toph has been so angry ever since she got back. I- I know it probably sounds stupid but she just, um, reminded me of my sister when we were younger.”

He tenses a little, ducking his head, because he’s so _stupid_. Comparing anybody to Azula is probably a horrible insult and now Sokka’s probably mad and- “You’re thinking too much,” Sokka teases gently, interrupting Zuko’s spiraling thoughts. “And don’t apologize,” he says, in a fondly exasperated voice, as Zuko looks up again, opening his mouth to do exactly that. “What about how she acted reminded you of Azula?” Sokka asks, his words free of judgment.

”Azula would get angry too,” Zuko says quietly, “and, uh, if she was angry at me, or even if she wasn’t, she would get, um, really scary, to put it lightly. I’m-I’m sure Toph hasn’t really been acting _that_ bad but-”

“No, she’s pretty much been an ass,” Sokka says, the bluntness of his statement startling a slight laugh out of Zuko. “Zuko,” Sokka starts again after a moment, his voice uncharacteristically serious, “you know Toph would never hurt you right? None of us would.”

Zuko hesitates a moment too long before nodding and Sokka makes a slight, wounded noise. He can’t bring himself to look at the heartbroken expression on Sokka’s face, so he ducks his head again. “I’m not sure what’s been going on with Toph, but I’m sure she’s not angry with _you_. Even if she was, she wouldn’t hurt you,” Sokka says, sounding close to tears himself, now.

”We got into an argument just now,” Zuko blurts out suddenly, “I asked her if she needed my help with anything and she told me to stop treating her like she’s fragile. I-I never meant to treat her like that. I _know_ she’s not fragile.” He scoffs a little at that, “Far from it, but she was just so angry, Sokka...” he breaks off, shuddering a little.

Sokka suddenly, impulsively, wraps his arms around Zuko and drags him into a tight hug. Zuko tenses at the contact at first but, slowly, sinks into the embrace, feeling tears spring to his eyes again. “I was just trying to help and now she hates me,” Zuko sniffles, burying his face into Sokka’s shoulder.

Sokka rubs his back soothingly and murmurs, “I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, Zuko. It’s just misplaced anger. Something went really wrong with her parents and she’s been all stiff and angry ever since. She was like this when she first joined the Gaang, you know?”

Zuko groans a little, “ _Please_ stop calling us that.”

Sokka makes a clearly over-exaggerated noise of offense, “It’s brilliant, and you know it.”

”It’s awful,” Zuko maintains, though his slight chuckles ruin the effect a bit.

”I know how to get you to agree with me,” Sokka says in a sing-song voice.

Zuko freezes. “Don’t you dare,” he says sharply.

”I’m sorry, what is it you don’t want me to do, Sunshine?” Sokka asks in a falsely innocent voice. 

Zuko groans, feeling himself go bright red. Ever since Sokka had discovered how much the nickname flustered him, he’s been shamelessly using it to his advantage. Zuko’s gotten over it, for the most part, with the others but, for whatever stupid reason, it unfailingly leaves him a blushing mess when Sokka says it.

”Come on, Sunshine,” Sokka wheedles, “the Gaang is a great team name, right?”

”Ugh, whatever,” Zuko mumbles, finally pulling away from the hug, “You’re impossible.” He can feel himself smiling, though, and, okay, maybe he’s not as irritated as he’s pretending to be.

”I try,” Sokka says cheerfully, a shit-eating grin planted firmly on his face. After a moment, the grin settles into a softer smile and he asks, “You doing better, buddy?”

”Yeah, I think so,” Zuko admits, “I didn’t know you were so good at this kind of thing.”

”I’ll have you know that I am _the_ professional therapist, Wang Fire,” Sokka says in a horrible, fake accent, sticking his nose in the air.

Zuko can’t stop himself from giggling as he asks, “What the hell was that?”

”Oh, Aang was really stressed out before the eclipse so I gave him therapy as the ‘esteemed Wang Fire’.” 

Zuko rolls his eyes, though he can’t help the fond smile he gives the Water Tribe boy, “Seriously though, thank you, Sokka.”

”Anytime, dude,” Sokka responds, his voice soft.

”Do you think I should go find Toph?” Zuko asks, unable to make eye-contact.

”Only if you want to,” Sokka says gently, but firmly.

Zuko nods, a little more confidently this time, “Yeah, I think I need to talk to her about what happened.”

Sokka stands up, holding out a hand to help Zuko to his feet. ”I’m coming with you,” he says in explanation, “I need a word with Toph too and I don’t want to throw you to the wolves alone, if she’s still being a dick.”

Zuko smiles at this. “You know, you’re not too bad for a Water Tribe peasant,” he says jokingly, nudging Sokka gently with his shoulder.

Sokka pretends to look at him appraisingly, “Well, you’re not that awful for a jerkbender either.” They both laugh a little, the longstanding joke lightening the mood considerably. 

Although he’s still nervous about confronting Toph, as they leave his office Zuko can’t help but think that he feels lighter than he has in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko finally got a hug!! Plus a bit of fluff at the end, as a treat :) (i brought back the ‘sunshine’ bit bc it has my whole heart, sue me. Lmao)  
> If you liked this chapter, feel free to drop some kudos or a comment!
> 
> (Side note: how would ya’ll feel about me writing a Zukka fic? Maybe not as part of this series but... I’m curious what the response would be)


	6. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Zuko have an overdue conversation.

Toph can’t help but to feel steadily guiltier the closer she and Iroh get to Zuko’s office. She’s not sure how she would react if they found Zuko still panicking. Regardless of her feelings, however, she resolves to see her apology all the way through. Zuko deserves that much, at least.

When they turn the corner, she freezes as she hears a door open and feels Zuko’s distinctive light foot steps walking next to another person, who she recognizes as Sokka. She feels shame wash over her as she realizes that Zuko must have told the Water Tribe warrior what she had done. _No_ , she thinks firmly, _I hurt Zuko. I don’t get to chicken out of this_.

The two boys turn and both seem to be frozen where they stand when they see her. “Hey,” she says with a slight, nervous smile, “Uh, can I talk to you, Zuko?” She feels the firebender’s heart pick up and tries her best to look as relaxed as possible. ”These two can come too if you want,” she adds as an afterthought. Maybe if they’re not alone Zuko will feel safer. She hates that Zuko has any reason to _not_ feel safe with her, but that’s her own fault, isn’t it?

There’s a pause, where Toph thinks the two firebenders might be having some kind of silent conversation, before Zuko hesitantly says, “Um, okay. We can just... go back into my office if you want?”

”Sure, wherever you’d feel comfortable,” Toph says, feeling her own heart thrumming with nerves.

After they all sit down, there’s an awkward silence for a moment before a quick, “I’m sorry,” comes from both Toph _and_ Zuko. “Why are _you_ sorry, Sparky?” Toph asks, too shocked to be tactful.

Zuko’s heart speeds up again as he stutters out an answer, “You-you were- _are_? mad at me for treating you with pity but I never- I never pitied you,” his voice is quieter as he finishes, “I was just worried about you. You looked really upset.”

Toph feels her heart clench and gives him a small, sad smile. “I- I’m not mad anymore, Zuko,” it feels really awkward saying his name instead of some stupid nickname but she grits her teeth and pushes the rest of her apology out, “I _was_ upset but not at you. My parents are pieces of shit but that doesn’t give _me_ the right to be a piece of shit. I’m sorry I treated you so terribly.”

In the suffocating silence that follows, she tries desperately not to listen to the voice whispering, _This is it. You made a nice life with these people and you ruined it. They’re kicking you out._

”Oh,” is the only thing Zuko says. He sounds a bit lost, as if he doesn’t know what to do with an apology. “Uh, i-it’s okay. I was never upset with you or anything,” he adds, still sounding a bit confused.

That absolute _idiot_ is going to kill her one day, because of _course_ the dumbass wouldn’t be angry with a Sabertooth Moose Lion if it gored him. If she wasn’t afraid that it would send him flying headfirst into a panic, she would punch him. She _does_ , however, bang her head on the desk, ignoring the shocked yelps from Sokka and Zuko and the disapproving noise from Iroh. “You _should_ be upset with me,” she groans, “I was a fucking asshole and _you_ shouldn’t be apologizing to _me_!”

”You were obviously hurting, and I’d rather you take it out on me than other people,” Zuko says, his tone making it clear that he genuinely thought that _that_ bullshit would make her feel any better.

Obviously, the world had turned upside down, because here Zuko was trying to comfort her, when she had set out to comfort _him_. “Listen, Fire flake,” she says, standing up, because standing feels better than sitting, somehow, “I’m not sure how they do things here in the Fire Nation, but, where I’m from, if someone hurts you, they’re the one who apologizes!”

”That is, in fact, how we do things in the Fire Nation, for the most part,” Iroh says, his tone neutral, almost teasing, though Toph can hear a half-sad, half-angry undertone to his words.

There’s silence for a second, as Zuko’s heart picks up again. “They’re right, buddy,” Sokka finally speaks up, “I’m also not saying that Toph should feel bad for being angry,” he says pointedly, “but she shouldn’t have taken it out on you, Zuko.”

“I’m really sorry, Sparky,” Toph says quietly, feeling a little ashamed of the tears she can feel pricking her eyes.

”It’s- um, I forgive you?” She can feel him wince at his awkward, stilted words but, somehow, she feels so much lighter hearing him say that. 

She sticks her hand out in his general direction and, pleased to find that he hadn’t flinched, says, “Friends again?”

She feels him rise from his seat and, to her shock, she feels him slowly wrap in her in a tight hug. “Yeah, definitely,” he says in a slightly choked voice.

She’s stiff for a moment before squeezing him back, tighter than ever, and, in a rare moment of vulnerability, mumbling, “I missed you so much, Sunshine.” She feels the other two slip out of the room but can’t find it in herself to care.

”I missed you too,” he says quietly and suddenly they’re both crying. Toph can only tell that Zuko is crying from the way he’s shaking, even as he holds her tighter. His tears are silent in a way that can only be practiced and that revelation gives her a sick feeling in her gut. She knows that her tears are silent in the same way.

After a very long moment, they draw away from eachother, both wiping their eyes subtly. ”We should move somewhere with fresh air,” Toph suggests, a small part of her still afraid that he’ll refuse to spend time with her.

”Yeah. Yeah, of course,” he laughs breathlessly, “We can go to the turtleduck pond if you want?” He sounds as tentative as she feels and that makes her feel a bit better, in a way.

”Yeah, sure,” she gives him a small smile and he squeezes her arm lightly in return.

—————

They sit next to the turtleduck pond together, the silence between them so much lighter than the silence in this very spot only a few days ago. “Don’t you _dare_ tell anyone this, but I think I might have missed you a bit more than the others when I was gone,” Toph admits.

She feels Zuko’s heart skip a bit. “I missed you a bit more too,” he responds quietly.

Toph can feel him fiddling with his hands and decides to take a risk, “I mean, what kind of person _wouldn’t_ miss their badass brother?”

She half-hears, half-senses his breath catch in his throat and she opens her mouth in preparation to apologize because of _course_ she overstepped and she’s never been good at reading a room so why should this be any different than usual and- “Yeah, I’d definitely suck a _lot_ if I didn’t miss the coolest sister in the world,” Zuko responds, his voice happier than she’d ever heard it.

”Didn’t I say once that families suck?” Toph asks and waits for Zuko to make a noise of assent before continuing, “Well, I don’t think this one does.”

Zuko’s cheek is suddenly resting on the top of her head as he murmurs, “Yeah, me neither.”

Toph suddenly bursts out laughing, “What a weird family we are. Two pairs of dumbass siblings, a badass warrior, and a bald, teenage monk.”

”Conventional was never really any of our styles, anyway,” Zuko points out.

”True, true,” she agrees, still giggling.

”And you can’t forget Appa, Momo, and the turtleducks,” Zuko adds, sitting up sharply and sounding almost horrified at the exclusion.

”The turtleducks are family now, huh?” Toph asks, unable to help the teasing.

”The turtleducks have _always_ been family,” Zuko says staunchly, relaxing again and sliding an arm around Toph. He’s definitely teasing too, but the earthbender can tell that he’s being dead truthful. 

”Sounds good to me,” Toph shrugs, wrapping one of her own arms around the other in response to his gesture, “the badgermoles who taught me earthbending are family too.”

Zuko suddenly lets out an unamused laugh, “Damn, we were lonely kids, weren’t we?”

”Maybe,” Toph says softly, “But we’re not lonely anymore.”

Zuko is quiet for a minute as the two sit together, the blind earthbender and the scarred Fire Lord, before he murmurs, “No. We’re not lonely anymore.” And, for the first time, Toph really, truly believes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it! The fic is finished! I hope ya’ll liked it! I really like the ending and I hope you all did too! Feel free to leave kudos and/or comments if you enjoyed :) see you in the next fic!
> 
> Update: The first chapter of that Zukka fic I talked about is up now if ya'll wanted to check it out!


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